Knock Knock! Who’s There?

Knock Knock – Who’s there?

A few weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night to what sounded like a loud knock on our bedroom door.

It was so real that it jolted me awake. My heart was pounding, and my whole body was shaking. I was certain someone had knocked.

But when I checked, no one was there.

I eventually went back to sleep, but I couldn't shake the feeling that the Lord was trying to get my attention.

God was inviting me into something, and I believe He is also inviting you into this as well.

I believe many of us are living in a season where the Father is gently awakening our hearts. Not awakening us to our failures, but awakening us to His mercy. Not exposing us so He can shame us, but revealing places where His love has not yet fully softened us.

For years, I thought conviction was supposed to feel heavy.

I thought if I felt miserable enough, replayed my mistakes enough, or punished myself long enough, then maybe I had truly repented.

I wonder how many of us are resisting God's transforming work because we're still expecting Him to approach us with disappointment.

What if the Father isn't standing at the door of your heart with crossed arms and a list of grievances?

What if He's knocking because He wants to sit with you in the places you've been avoiding?

Recently, I found myself in a painful misunderstanding with someone I deeply respected. At first, I genuinely wanted to extend mercy. I could see their humanity, and I wanted to preserve connection.

But when they explained where I had caused pain, I felt misunderstood. Suddenly, my desire for mercy crumbled under the desire to be understood.

Then, my desire to be understood became a need to be right.

I wanted them to see my perspective.

I wanted them to understand why I had said what I said.

I wanted them to know that my intentions were good.

And in my determination to defend myself, I got angry and harsh. 

I wounded them.

In looking back, I must have been more concerned with protecting my reputation and how they saw me than restoring the relationship.

I was trying to preserve my image instead of pursuing healing.

I wasn't allowing the Holy Spirit to tenderize my heart toward someone who had also been hurt.

I was still clinging to my need to be right, and I felt so awful about that.

In the middle of processing with God and feeling so much shame about how I had reacted, I reached for my Bible. I wasn't searching for a specific verse or doing a study… I just opened it. I love the Psalms, but I don’t always remember where every passage is, so I decided to read wherever it landed. And it fell open to Psalm 34. I couldn't help but smile through my tears as I read through the chapter. I felt deeply seen by God, as though He had turned the pages Himself to remind me where His heart is for people who feel crushed.

'The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

I don't think David was only talking about grief.

Sometimes we are crushed because life happens to us, but sometimes we are crushed because God lovingly dismantles the places we've built our identity apart from Him.

Our pride gets pulverized.

Our self-reliance gets reduced to dust.

Our need to be understood, vindicated, or seen in the best light gets exposed for what it really is, a fragile attempt to save ourselves from pain.

And yet, Psalm 34 doesn't say that the Lord withdraws from those places.

It says He draws near.

David wasn't sitting on a throne when he penned Psalm 34. He had just pretended to be insane in order to survive. 

He scratched at gates, let saliva run down his beard, and lost every ounce of dignity he had left. Then he escaped to a cave.

It was there in the aftermath of humiliation, misunderstanding, fear, and the loss of his reputation that David declared, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

The religious spirit gives us a false sense of power. It tells us that if we can discern correctly, argue convincingly, defend ourselves thoroughly, or prove our perspective, then we'll finally be safe.

But proving our point has never healed our hearts, and being right has never restored connection.

Only love and mercy can do that.

And perhaps that is why the Father has been knocking on the door.  To awaken us to what is in His heart for others and invite us to draw near to Him.

When we allow ourselves to be consumed by the truth of how God feels about us, we no longer need to protect ourselves from how others feel about us.

If you find yourself buried under the weight of shame or guilt, stuck in cycles you can’t seem to break, or caught in repeated outbursts of anger and regret, you don’t have to stay there. Come get a Sozo. Let Jesus meet you in the places where willpower hasn’t been enough and let Him bring freedom from the inside out.